The December Review
With the year wrapping up real soon, the winter-time depression was really kicking in. After finally making it through a semester in Switzerland (kind of…), I had to look myself in the mirror and reflect on where I am in my personal life. School wasn’t really what I expected it to be; I had clung to a relationship which I should have left behind months ago, and things were trending in the wrong direction. However, this is the expectation of a normal life and the principles of duality. If we are able to experience life’s peak moments, we should equally expect to experience times of feeling lost once in a while. Mentally, I felt sort of lost for the first time in my life. The ambitious, optimistic kid was drowning inside me, and it was being replaced with sadness and clouded judgment. However bad things that happen can always be seen in a positive light when dealing with future tough realities, and I usually tell myself that this was how things were meant to be for me to reach the point I want to get to. Although 2022 was ending on a low note, I still stand here today proclaiming that this was the best year of my life. After a terrible setback years prior due to COVID-19, I was able to lift myself out of a worse state and build a community I was proud of. On top of that, I got to try so many new things that I would’ve been scared to attempt at a younger age.
In reality, I like to think that I took a massive risk this year. Risks are usually more detrimental than favorable, but if things do work out, the payoff is immense. Even though this particular situation didn’t work out for me, I believe it’s still worth mentioning that I wouldn’t change anything in the world. Hardships made me grow as a person, and I think in the long run, many of these one-of-a-kind stories will tell great tales. I mean, who in the world ever got to ride a boat just to get to school? And while the beginning of this blog has portrayed a dim light so far, I do see hope for an even better year to come. With my time in Switzerland coming to an end, I have found an opportunity back in the States that will allow me to live my East Coast dreams. There, I hope to reestablish the foundations of who I am while embarking on a new chapter in my life that entails starting my professional career. Adapting to this new situation will surely bring more challenges, but more than anything, I am just happy to be back home in the country I now know I belong in.
Top Three Moments of the Month
This month didn’t have too many highlights so we rebranded this month to three moments of the month (MoM)
Also this newsletter may be shorter in retrospect
1. Hard Truths
The first moment of the month involves a tough truth I had to learn. Months ago, I had planned this trip to New York City after being separated from my ex-girlfriend Noelle Wheeler for several months. The two of us stayed in contact to some extent, and I thought this was a friendship that could last forever, even though we were no longer boyfriend and girlfriend. We had been separated just since August, so things couldn’t have changed that much, right… RIGHT!
The hard truth I learned this year was that some things are better left the way I left them. Naively in my head, I really saw a future with Noelle, which was very premature of me. Even throughout my time in Europe, I was holding onto this trip and didn’t make any effort to let go of what we had that summer. But people change based on the environments and situations they are put in, and I think it was something I should have expected in the long run. After all, in August, I had mentioned that it was ultimately my decision to let this person go from my life.
And to be brutally honest, it really sucked to see her moved on from me, let alone the life we had once shared. It came to the point where I wished I had never seen her this time around. That image of a perfect girlfriend I once had was tarnished by change. And for me, change can be particularly challenging to accept when it involves Noelle due to the complex emotions and attachments that came with our romantic relationship. The end of a romantic partnership was more than the loss of companionship; it was also the dissolution of shared dreams, memories, and that envisioned future together. Consequently, any changes she underwent could evoke a mixture of feelings—ranging from nostalgia and longing to insecurity and fear of being replaced. The familiarity that once comforted me now became a reminder of what had been lost, and any transformation, whether in appearance, lifestyle, or personal growth, could stir up a sense of disconnection from a once-intimate connection. Moreover, accepting change might imply acknowledging that our life paths have diverged, potentially forcing the recognition that the past can never be fully reclaimed. And that was truly difficult to accept.
But like all tough truths, we can learn something from it. Although it was really hard to let go, this month I was able to release someone who was holding me back. Without letting her go, I probably would not have been able to move forward with my life in the long run, so I appreciated this hard truth more than anything. Though I am better now, I think it will be hard to forget the night where I cried in the streets of New York City for three hours, accepting this tough reality. But this is not the end; it is the start of a new beginning. I hope to manifest an exciting and hopeful new year to come.
2. NYC
The second moment of the month is actually a highlight in the sense that I got to visit my favorite city in the world (aside from the broken heart…). As mentioned earlier, I had planned this trip months ago with the intention to see Noelle, but that didn’t work out as explained earlier. Regardless, since I was here for close to ten days, it was an opportunity for me to live out the New York City lifestyle that I still aspire to in the long run. I had visited this city two times prior, and it never ceases to amaze me with its beauty and the unexpected events it offers. New York City is truly the city of dreams, and I was excited to explore many parts of the city with an extended stay.
However, unlike most posts, I think I’ll keep this one on the shorter side since it hasn’t been the most elegant month. But to summarize what’s to come, I got to see some friends I haven’t seen in months while also getting to walk around literally every part of New York City from 1st street all the way to 87th where my Airbnb was located. This gave me a good sense of the city itself, and through it all, I am still amazed by how it never fails to impress me. So much is packed into this one city alone, but it’s truly a beautiful thing to witness the unity it embodies.
Before I talk about some of the people I ran into, I thought it was worth mentioning some new hidden gem places that I found myself in this time around. On the first few visits to New York, I spent significant time in Midtown because many tourist attractions were there. However, this time I developed an appreciation for Chelsea, Roosevelt Island, and Hudson Yards. Even though I particularly enjoyed these places, I feel like there are still many hidden gems out there for me to discover and explore. As of now, my heart still tells me that this is where I’ll move post-graduation, but time will only tell.
Now that we’ve briefly covered the skeleton of what I did, I thought I’d share my one positive interaction with Donnie Stewart, who used to be one of my former housemates and is a local in New York. He grew up on Long Island and was living life to the fullest after completing his master’s in Computer Science. We had decided to meet at the Empire State Building, which is one of New York’s largest attractions by far. Prior to this visit, the last time I had been to the iconic 86th floor was back in 2016 when I was just about to enter my junior year of high school. Therefore, I was excited to see the breathtaking cityscape from above as we caught up on life. Nothing truly compares to New York City, especially when you’re there with a good friend.
After soaking in the city’s skyline, we indulged in some New York-style pizza nearby as we continued to update each other on what was new in our lives. After months of experiencing new things with new people, it was a comforting feeling to be back with a familiar face. Having put on an ambitious front for so long, it was genuinely refreshing to decompress and enjoy the company of an old friend as I looked forward to the new year ahead.
Later in that week, I also had a meetup with Maya. Truth be told, I hadn’t known Maya in person before this encounter. My connection with Maya was one of those pandemic-era friendships that arose during a time when the world was thrown into disarray. We had initially matched on Tinder during the years of Covid, and despite never meeting face-to-face, we found numerous commonalities in our lives. She was attending SDSU at the time, and interestingly, we both managed to complete our degrees in just three years. In a sense, we were what you might call “internet friends,” a trend that has become rather commonplace in our modern era. Currently residing in San Antonio, Texas, where she was working, it just so happened that both of us were coincidentally in New York City at the same time. Consequently, we decided to meet up for coffee in midtown, giving us the opportunity to finally put a face to the digital persona. Although the encounter might not have held any particularly extraordinary events, I believe the context and background of our connection perfectly aligned with the ambitious life I’ve led this year.
(removed the photo…)
Overall, New York City was a delightful experience and served as a pleasant reminder of life in the USA (although the heartbreak lingers… again…). The streets of New York, particularly the Rockefeller Center, were brimming with festivity as the Christmas season continued, and every visit still manages to invigorate me. To be honest, I’m composing this monthly newsletter a few days after the start of the new year, and with a touch of sadness, I must admit that I didn’t get to witness the iconic Times Square Ball Drop; instead, I found myself in bed, shedding tears. Nevertheless, life would lose its thrill if I accomplished everything on my bucket list so soon, so I’m reserving that item for a future adventure. Overall, despite the emotional weight (yet again), this excursion was enjoyable, fueling my excitement to reunite with the country I’ve been missing. New York, I hold a special place in my heart for you, and I’m eagerly anticipating our next rendezvous. Much love, and see you soon <3.
3. Dropping Out & Starting Work
In my third moment of the month, I thought it was worth mentioning a significant change that awaits me in the year 2023. While EPFL was still amidst the semester, on the brink of the final examination period, it turns out that I won’t be returning to EPFL at the end of January. Over the past few months, I’ve been searching for a new direction outside of Europe, driven by a mixture of emotions stemming from my experiences here. Although being a part of this institution was an absolute privilege, it ultimately didn’t align with the lifestyle I aspired to lead. This failed experiment has underscored that the American education system offers a better sense of balance and a broader scope for growth, in contrast to the approach of cramming seven graduate courses into a single semester. As a result, this upcoming New Year, my plan is to relocate to Boston, Massachusetts, where I will start my role as a data scientist at Celsius Therapeutics. While this decision might still be surprising, even to myself, I’m deeply appreciative of all the lessons I’ve gained from my six months in school and the self-discovery journey. I eagerly anticipate the challenges that the industry will present and embrace this transition into a professional chapter of my life.
One thing I learned this Month
The Only Way is Up
With my soul partially crushed and an emptiness in my heart, I think it is fair to say that this might be a rock bottom moment. However the best part about being or feeling at the bottom of the totum pole is that there is only one direction you can go from here and that is up. Hitting rock bottom can serve as a profound turning point in one’s life. It’s in those moments of immense challenge and adversity that we are compelled to confront our limitations and reassess our path. Rock bottom, though painful and humbling, presents an opportunity for growth and transformation. When we have lost what we thought was solid ground, we become more receptive to change and more open to rebuilding. From the depths of despair, there emerges a resilience and determination that propels us upward. The experience of hitting rock bottom can be a catalyst for reevaluating our values, priorities, and goals, guiding us towards a renewed sense of purpose and a profound understanding that the only way to go from there is up. I therefore look forward to the upcoming year and see where my life takes me from year. Peace out 2022 and Hello 2023.
Quote of the Monthly
“By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.” - Confucious
New Years Resolutions
- Be happier
- Write out my thoughts in a journal
- Become a better storyteller/writer
- Learn to cook… long overdue
- build a consistent exercise routine
- volunteer/help people/charities once a month
- start building stuff from scratch (arduino, video game project)
- learn tensorflow, pytorch, NLP, generative models, Reinforcement learning, LLMs
- take care of yourself
- Find a good friend group in Boston and stop trying to meet so many new people
- Have a schedule and live by it
Lets revisit these next December and see how I did.
Contact
Simon Lee
simonlee711@gmail.com
slee@celsiustx.com (New Job Email Woot. Woot.)